"Larry Crowne"

Tonight I had the opportunity to see "Larry Crowne"...a theater full of primarily members of an older generation, and then my little sister and I...at first it made me question my taste in movies but then the movie started and I fell in love.  The story circles around the failures of daily life and then the always present upswing and revival into hope and self-development.  This story should be seen by all of my students...life has changed people! The lives of our parents are gone...it is not a society of choosing hope, choosing hard work, choosing God and His will for your life, over that of what the 'World' tells you in the correct path.

I love my job, I love my mediocre salary and my budgeting...I love relying on my faith in God to get me from one end of the month to the other and most of all - I love that God has taught me that when you are given things in a different manor than you, or I, anticipated...such as being the unmarried friend, the low income worker, the failed marriage, or the missionary in the middle of Brazil...I have the ability and knowledge to rise to the challenge...to make a difference...to be a positive impact on those around me.

In the coming weeks I hope to obtain a second job, to start my masters classes, embark on another school year, lead a bible study at my church and still maintain the close family/friend relationships...if you could look at my schedule it would seem impossible, however it was by watching Larry Crown that I realized it is possible. God would not have put such a work load on my heart without it...I also had the opportunity to sit down with a friend this week to catch up and she said something profound that really hit home.  God has blessed me with being the unmarried friend, the low income worker, the "live by myself" person, the driven/over organized teacher, and the can't say "No" to favors friend for THIS TIME in  my life...He and I will accomplish many things, most of which I will never understand, because of all the aforementioned blessings.

Happy Saturday...go see Larry Crowne ...let yourself become consumed by the film...and let God be the driver of your car!

Life moves forward...

Wow...trip was great, friends were great, family I got to spend time with in the process was great!  Now that I am back, it is time to face the reality of life...Summer is here again and it is a quiet little town that I live...thoughts start to creep!  Recently started a really good read, "Mastering the Silence"...discussing what it takes to be confident in your own silence and in your alone time.  It is becoming a new process to ward off any lonely thoughts or any feelings of doubt in my future relationships by reminding myself that I am NOT alone...God is with me always...it is when I feel alone that I am letting the Devil take control of my life...AHHH Shame on me...

Consider the scripture...2 Timothy 4:17 draws an image of God being in our presence always...whether we look to find Him or not!!  Further reading will direct you towards Psalm 37:7...allow me to quote it for you...

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. 

Magical indeed to consider where my weaknesses are find comfort in such simple words...I long so bad to make a difference for Him...to tell everyone I know of Him...to feel a part of something and what really holds me back is my inability to let Him lead me.  I turn into this girl at the start of a relationship who wants so badly to take the first step, rather than be patient and just allow time to come around and to be pursued!  Christ wants me to wait patiently for Him to moves things in my life...SLOW DOWN...be confident...Have faith...

Song of the trip...thought I would share!

Moving...

So today I am motivated...feel as if I can touch the sky and then some...but I am humbled by the reality that just a couple days ago I had no idea where I was headed in life.  But this is how God works right...He gives me days like today and tomorrow for the gentle reminder that my toiling is working but gives me the Monday and Tuesdays to remind me to remain dependent on Him!

Meeting at work...

Today I sat through a meeting in which the superintendent of the school I work at (essentially my boss) literally got up and had a pitty party for her...I quote "Stop talking while I am talking, I have earned the right the speak".  NO...you are wrong...for the past 9 months I have been in my classroom, up and down hallways, at football, basketball, and softball games, school dances, movies in the gym and, oh yea, interacting with students...YOU HAVE NOT, rather you have locked yourself in your office, you have made decisions that make you look good but make my job harder.  My favorite quote from the meeting was that she wants to put students first...well evidently that is first after your pay check, my reputation, and my sleep and good morals. Let me make it clear, I do as I am told; wear dress pants and heals daily, mind my p's & q's, spend hours lesson planning for 52 minutes of madness, read silly books because they are required, and sit quietly in meetings because the wrong words would mean my job but tonight I am frustrated with the system!


Let me tell you something to start addressing in our classrooms, the fact that our education system in America is broken, because we don't have our priorities in order - unions, power and indoctrination are put first - hard-working students, teachers and parents an afterthought.  I just want the people to understand...we need moral teachers, we need to hire those who love others around them, are not self seeking but God seeking...WE NEED TO STOP LOOKING AT EDUCATION AS A PROBLEM BUT A SOLUTION...

...more thoughts to follow later!

What today will bring...

Another new church today...another new group of people...another set of questions to conquer...scary but exciting.  What makes times like this most difficult is the simple fact that I will sit alone physically at church and get the inevitably hard question to answer what brings you here or are you looking for a singles small group.  What brings me here? The Truth...I am looking for a church with truth, with love and grace and scripture and honest Jesus loving people...Am I looking for a small group...ha ha well since I live a half hour away from church it becomes somewhat difficult to always just pack up and go to a small group during then week for numerous reasons, do you really want me to go through that....

Questions that churches should be asking...do you want to come to lunch, could you come over for dinner, my family is going to a chiefs game - you want to join?  Living through this period of my life has brought new perspective...I am looking for friendship again, I am looking for connections, I am looking for the idea of family, someone to pick up the phone and want to call me...(don't get all poor Rachel on me now, I really just want to say it and then move on)...I crave someone wanting to pick up the phone and want to call me! 

And while I am sending this out into the abyss - still questions I would like to consider, to ponder and to offer to whatever church I become active in...

To to conclude today's random ideas of my mind I am trying out yet another church, sitting alone in the pew, enjoying the sermon but desiring someone to discuss with later, which brings me to the purpose of this blog…

…a place to vent, discuss, confess, and generally have an open ended discussion with the abyss…

Sure, it would be considered a prayer of sorts, however feel free to comment, suggest, or just read for understanding…but promise me this, as you read…be encouraged…remind yourself that indeed God did create a perfect plan for everyone, in His time and be calmed in the grace that He provided for us through His son Jesus Christ, who died so that we may live free from the pains of this world…just sit and contemplate the reality of this for while…

Forgiveness...

Forgiveness is something you have to allocate to yourself as much as, if not more than, to others around you!  When decisions are made in God's guidance you have accept the reality...leave the burden...trust that wounds will heal and paths will become covered with flowers not weeds. 

Today I am trying to find peace and comfort in
   Psalm 30:2 – O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. (KJV)
   Mark 11:24 – Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. (KJV)

I want to feel better...I want to have the confidence to walk alone without thinking about it!!  I WANT TO KNOW THAT I DID NOTHING WRONG!!

When the pain fades...

The Golden Rule...an all-encompassing Biblical principle...

Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” 

Recognizable no doubt...this is something that should be applied to all relationships!!  Think of the beauty of this simple idea...what a revolution and a healthy experience for all.

God puts people in your path to push, encourage, strength, and even hurt you (not for the purpose of long pain, but for the purpose of drawing closer to Him).  The past three Sunday sermons I have experienced in same way discuss the importance of relationship and the importance of a continued relationship with God.  HOW FITTING!!!  Is it possible that I was indeed put in this relationship and then pulled out again simply because God was calling me home?  

As I leave my recent experiences...a few parting encouragements/suggestions/guidance in the process of breaking up in a love and Christ centered mentality.  Remember I broke up with someone I still had feelings for but knew God was calling me in  different direction. 

1. Seek a friend of the same gender (or a mature Christian couple) - seek a wider perspective/consideration of the outlook of your relationship. Things to consider: are you repeating past cycles or are your thoughts and feelings valid? 

2. Pray. Best friend through this process is God - He wants to help ease the pain, help prepare the way for a new path in your life...wherever He may direct you.  Also, be in prayer for the other person, ask God to prepare a soft cushion/circle of support to find comfort and support. 

3. No laundry list.  If your heart, your prayers are leading you to end the relationship, be in prayer that that is enough, do not create lists of reason, instead open the conversation with Love and compassion.

4. Pray for them AFTER you leave and for the next week or so as God leads you. 


And as I look to the future...I must be prepared for whatever God has in store. I have confidence that this desire to be married and have children is God working through me but it is important that in that situation I need to be patient and not be in constant anticipation of this, enjoy the friends for awhile...God works in wonderful ways...

          Remember...
1. As you approach a new relationship, keep fantasy in check and seek reality. It is thrilling to find someone paying attention to you and wants to spend time with you. However the initial stages of “connecting” is a dance where everyone is on their best behavior. Do not contribute to the fantasy as you enjoy getting to know other Christian singles through Christian dating relationships.

2. Christian singles engaged in Christian dating should set aside times each week to discuss how the relationship is being seen from each of their perspectives. This will cause Christian singles to pay attention to realities and not venture off alone into a world of fantasy.